The Five Love Languages – Book Review
You are young; you fall in love; you are convinced that you’ve finally found the ideal person to spend your life with; you marry that person, vowing to eternal love; you feel like finally you will be happy ever after… But, after a certain period of time, after a year, two or five, you start feeling that the things don’t go according to your plans and expectations. You come to a point where ask yourself, What am I doing wrong. Why nothing is the same as it was before or shortly after I got married? What can I do to bring back the spark in my relationship?
What you need to know if you feel stuck with such questions in your mind, is that you are not alone. Married couples go through such period of questioning the meaning of their marriage – says Dr. Gary Chapman, a well-known relationship counselor. Meeting and counseling married couples, struggling to overcome the difficulties in their marriage, was the main source of inspiration for him to write the book The Five Love Languages – The secret to loving that lasts.
As Mignon McLaughlin once said: “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” Gary Chapman with his book aims to teach both spouses that marriage is a long-term commitment, not a bond that will stay strong, even if you don’t put yourself into it completely. He shares with the readers five love lessons or in the book defined as The Five Love Languages, and three questions everyone should ask himself/herself in order to discover what is his/her love language. In addition, here’s a short overview of the five love lessons and at the bottom are the three important questions.
Words Of Affirmation
For some people, statements such as I love you; Thank you; I encourage you, or You look great; consist their love language. For them, the partner shows love when he/she express feeling, shows appreciation, encouragement, support and compliments them. “Words of affirmation” is your love language if you want to hear such words from your better half.
If the time you spend with your partner means a lot to you, then this is your love language. You love sharing thoughts, experiences or just speaking about how you’ve spent your day while you are looking into your partner’s eyes. For you quality time means spending your time with your loved one, being present in the conversation, with no distractions such as TV, radio or other interruptions.
When it comes to happy marriage, the material things don’t have an important role, but can make a difference in certain moments and situations. One of The Five Love Languages is showing affection by giving your partner small yet meaningful gifts, such as flowers, cards with love quotes and chocolates. If small surprising gifts make you feel appreciated and loved, then this is probably your love language.
Acts of Service
Some people love it when their partners show love by doing, not talking. If your spouse offers to help you with the chores you are supposed to do, then he/she shows that he/she loves you and cares about you. If you support the saying “Talk is cheap”, and for you actions are more important that words than this might be your love language.
For many it is the physical touch the vital part of a successful and happy marriage. This is your love language if you like to: hold your partner’s hand while walking in public; to hug your spouse when you arrive home after work; to kiss him/her in the morning or before bedtime; and enjoy your sexual life.
Three important questions to answer to find out which of The Five Love Languages is your love language:
- What are the actions of your spouse that hurt you the most? – It is the opposite of the answer your possible love language;
- What were your most common requests to your better half in the years of your marriage?
- What is your proffered way to express your love to your partner?